It’s a new year, & high time for some lists. Without further ado, I present ‘my movies: 2009’. So disembowel the consonants & vowels! 2010 is all about the maths. Glitzy.
New film total: 112
Let’s take a look at how those movies, that is movies never before seen by these eyes until they saw them on a screen or other audio-visual projector last year, look when separated into “genres” in the shape of a faux-3D circle (note: some films appear in more than one “genre”):
Oh, yes, horror is the king. The big, blue, segmented king. But what’s a king if we can’t look even further into his mysterious internals – let us gorge, then, on his interesting intestines & detailed entrails, & see if we can’t eviscerate yet more information. Behold: towers of horror:
Not entirely certain how I saw 12 “action/thriller” style horror films. Maybe I just threw all the awkward films into that one. Maybe the results are rigged. Maybe I didn’t even see any horror films at all.
And now, the awards ceremony – deficient only of awards & ceremonial pomp. If it pleases your fancy fancy, then simply read the award title, spend five minutes imagining inane discourse, & then read the winner.
The One that’s Greatest: Let the Right One In
The One that’s Godawful: Dorian Gray
The One that’s Grisliest: À l’intérieur
The One that’s Haemorrhaging: Tokyo Gore Police
The One that’s Overprized: Eden Lake
The One that promised you diamonds, but just bought you Disappointment: The Haunted World of El Superbeasto
The One that Idiosyncrasy: Scream and Scream Again
The One that’s …From Beyond The Stars!: Starcrash
The One that was Overdue: The Omen
The One that’s Cerebral Sustenance: Antichrist
The One that makes you mixtapes and embarrassing trinkets that are Charming: Science of Sleep
j.
post-script; Of course, no review is complete without a tantalizing preview. 2010 is shaping up to be a year in which I most definitely watch some movies I haven’t watched before. To date there have been two: Anchorman & Madagascar. They were not pleasing.
white francis 